Conny aka DA{RAVENS}

This is our page to celebrate the life of our friend and Clanmate Conny Gustafsson aka DA{RAVENS} who passed away on March 16th 2006, after a determined 23 month fight against a brain tumour.

Conny was well liked amoungst us at Ravenclan and he proved to be a skilled adversary even with a trans-Atlantic ping and time difference. The fact that he was able to join in the fun in such a cheeky and cheerful manner whilst fighting a life threatening illness was truly impressive.

As can be seen from the Quake symbol memorial, that was made by his father and uncle for his funeral, our game was something he loved to play, and he spent many hours either amoungst us on RAVENS KEEP, sometimes together with his younger brother Robin aka ALIEN{RAVENS}, or hosting his own brand of fun and mayhem on his own server RAVENS NEST that he ran from his laptop in Sweden.

One of his favourite things was finding and exploring different maps, and the screenshots on the right were from some of his favourites, including the Mario CTF map, with its huge mirrors and the absolute mayhem of its single spawn point.

Though he left the clan a while before his illness finally overtook him.. some of us kept in constant contact with him and played on his server with him whenever he ran it.

Click here to jump down the page for the brief description of his treatment written by his mum. It makes for harrowing reading, but underlines his strength and bravery.

RIP Conny

Thoughts from his family and friends

Our thoughts are with Conny always, but especially today -
1 year since he left us.. We found this poem that describes how we all feel, I think....

You can shed tears that he is gone,
Or you can smile because he lived,
You can close your eyes and pray that he will come back,
Or you can open your eyes and see all that he has left.

Your heart can be empty because you can't see him
Or you can be full of the love that you shared,
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday,
Or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.

You can remember him and only that he is gone
Or you can cherish his memory and let it live on,
You can cry and close your mind be empty and turn your back,
Or you can do what he would want: smile, open your eyes, love and go on.

We love you Conny - Always and Forever.
Mum and lil' sis Pernilla and lil' bro' Robin

I remember the first time I met Conny online. He had entered the Ravens server and was of course, playing under his Ravens tag. I challenged him that he was not a Raven, and without any childish behaviour at all, he explained that he was in fact a member of the clan. He was in fact a member, only I had never met him before, as he had been away for some time and I was the new guy at the time.

Yeah, I was a little embarrased about that but Conny blew it off and showed me just how good a player he was. Later on when we were playing one on one in a map one day, Conny stopped playing and made some observations about my gameplay and suggested that I adjust my mouse settings. He didn't just want to win, he wanted a real competition on even grounds.

That level of maturity, in my opinion, is not something that most of us learn until later in life. Conny died young, but he spent his time well, and became a friend and equal to those who were many years older.

In doing that, he achieved the one thing that we all hope and aspire to achieve, the one thing that we can never know we achieved in life. To be remembered after we are gone.

Contor{Ravens}

1 year and it seems like yesterday we got the news.... Still very much on our minds he is and the family as well...... The poem is lovely and fitting.

Peace,
Panny

Reading this made me realise I was there pretty much every step of Connys 23 month journey.. either playing quake with him and Chambi or talking with him on msn or anxiously waiting to hear the results of the latest tests or treatment.
I will never forget the fun and mayhem on Ravens Nest or those late night conversations on msn before his operations.
His cheeky sense of humour combined with a full knowledge of what he was facing makes him the bravest person I have ever known.

Conny I will not forget you.. rest in peace my friend.

Weezel{Ravens}

Well I wanted to write a little something about Conny for his page. Although I did not know him as many of the clan did, I knew of him and his struggles and know this horrible desease has robbed the world of an exceptional little boy... one who lived so exceptionally big... I watched my husband who was his friend shed tears many times over the course of Conny's battle. With every bit of good news was the bitter let down of the bad news that came soon thereafter, and was at times more than Steve could stand. And with every tear he shed for Conny I found myself shedding them as well... as a mother of three I watched his illness with prayers and sympathy for a child in pain and a family that I didn't even know.. that he would come through it.....I really believed that he would make it!

What Conny left behind for us though.. is the beauty and preciousness of life and the time we get to spend here on this earth. I watched the profound effect his life had on so many, my husband included.. I really honestly with all my heart owe Conny a dept of gratitude because he really did help Steve to find something in his life. I still sit back in awe about it because I never would have thought something like this would play such an important roll in his life. He really is more loving now I think with his children and his family... even his face seems different now.

With all those moments of tears there was also many moments of pride..... The pride that comes from being lucky enough to have known Conny.... Pride in his fight... his life and the struggles he faced. One thing I have to say for Conny's life is that in his short years he was able to touch so many lives in a positive way. A special thanks to his family for sharing their extraordinary child with us... My heart forever goes out to you all for your loss... I know my sympathy will never ease your pain and I wont pretend to know what you are feeling but please know that I honor the life of this little hero.....

I'd like to read a poem that a friend sent me after the passing of my mother that I felt was very touching....It begins...

"The Dash" by Linda Ellis

I read of a man who stood to speak
at the funeral of his friend.
He referred to the dates on her tombstone
from the beginning...to the end.

He noted that first came the date of her birth
and spoke of the second with tears,
but he said that what mattered most of all
was the dash between those years.

For that dash represents all the time
that she spent alive on earth,
and now only those who loved her
know what that little line is worth.

For it matters not, how much we own;
the cars, the house, the cash.
What matters is how we live and love
and how we spend our dash.

So think about this long and hard,
are there things you'd like to change?
For you never know how much time is left.
(You could be at "dash mid-range.")

If we could just slow down enough
to considerwhat's true and real,
and always try to understand
the way other people feel.

And...be less quick to anger,
and show appreciation more
and love the people in our lives
like we've never loved before.

If we treat each other with respect,
and more often wear a smile,
remembering that this special dash
might only last a little while.

So, when your eulogy is being read
with your life's actions to rehash...
would you be pleased with the things they have to say
about how you spent your dash?

FLY FREE RAVEN BROTHER!!!

Pandora{RAVENS}

My deepest regrets and sincerest wishes for peace and continued support, to all his friends and family. Though I missed the opportunity, to have met him. As a fellow quake player *salutes* and remembers you may have gone, but never forgotten.

Tippman

If you would like to add your own thoughts or memories of Conny to this page then please email nick@carbonweezel.co.uk and I will add it very quickly.

Thank you

Song is 'Nothing Else Matters' by Metallica and was played during Connys funeral service.

This is roughly how it was:

Conny was diagnosed in mid April 2004 and had his first surgery April 26. He then had a 6 week rest period before a 2 month radiation of his brain and spine. During the last week of radiation they did a MRI scan and saw that the tumour had grown during radiation and was bigger than before.

Second surgery was August 10. He was then put onto chemo in tablet form for 5 months and had his 3rd surgery early January 2005.

In March 2005 they performed a different and more accurate kind of radiation and then he came to stay with me in Australia for a 3 months last holiday.

Through the Starlight foundation for seriously ill children we got to go to the Gold Coast for 9 days and see all the famous theme parks: Sea World, Dreamworld and Warner Bros Movie World. Conny loved all sorts of rides and roller coasters and his brain tumour and all operations wouldn't stop him going on all them. He also loved all the cartoon figures at Movie World.

Back in Sweden in July 2005 he had his 4th surgery. Conny didn't want to go through with it, but did it anyway. He really wanted to survive and then you do whatever it takes. This was a radical surgery, which means they took more than just the tumour. They took about a fistful of his brain out and when he woke up he couldn't speak. The last surgery hurt him a lot cause he woke up not knowing how to say things, not knowing how to do things, but still knowing that he used to be able to do things and say things. He lost the English language for example. He had to go through a lot of training to be able to speak, read and write again and his memory was no longer the best either. I helped him a lot during his last conversations with his overseas friends. He told me what he wanted to say and I typed it out for him.

In Mid November 2005 we got the news that the tumour was back, in fact two tumours now. Located close to the brainstem, inoperable and they gave him 6-8 weeks. I moved back to Sweden to be with him.

On 29 November Conny turned 17 years old and was slowly getting worse. He lost feeling in his right arm and sometimes leg and the pain in his head got worse until he finally had to be admitted to hospital in late February 2006. He got painkiller drugs pumped in to his body 24/7 and spent most of his time sleeping, but when he woke up he still had his great sense of humour and happy ways. The last thing he said to me when being "all there" was on 14 March (my birthday) when I was going back to the house for a while. I kissed him on the forehead and said "I'll be back soon. I love you." and he answered back to me "See ya, fatty!" and then he laughed and said "Only kidding".

At 4.40 am on March 16 Conny took his last breath and his heart stopped after a 23 month long fight. He sickness taught us alot about courage, strength & dignity and his journey has touched alot of people and he has left his footprints all over the world. All over people's hearts.

Marie Parr - December 2006

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Conny aka DA{RAVENS}
on 26th July 2004
Quake symbol memorial
1988 - 2006
Conny playing Quake, as per usual, apparantly!
Conny, airborne and 'relaxing' between treatments.
Best friend Jimmy about to be a willing victim of Conny the crazed hairdresser!
He was due to have some more chemo and faced losing his hair again.. Jimmy was going to join in on the hair loss!
...and to think that Quake is supposed to be a fighting game! Im glad I caught Conny's cheeky comment in this screenshot! - Ravens Nest 6th July 2004
After enduring chemo, anyone else would've been lying down and feeling sorry for themselves.. not Conny.. here he is, more mayhem, singing and dancing with pucko clinging on for the ride!
Yet another evenings entertainment with the Ravens Nest weapons! Drawing pictures on Ravens Nest - 6th July 2004
Conny, Chambi & Weezel on the crazy Mario CTF map, fooling around in front of the mirror as usual, Ravens Nest - 26th July 2004
Conny and Jimmy
Conny in remission and on his long dreamed of holiday with his mother in Australia.
Daffy, Conny and Sylvester at Movie World, Gold Coast, Australia - 14th May 2005
Wonder Woman & Conny at Movie World, Gold Coast, Australia - 14th May 2005
Conny with his happy, noisy & aptly named feathered companion 'Pucko' - which translates from the Swedish as 'real dumbass'
Chambi stacked on DA, sadly our last meeting on the Mario CTF map, Ravens Nest - 13th August 2005